Mr Cranky Pants
by spacemonkey69
Summary: Chandler is cranky and Joey is annoying him...simple as that. Please read and review Oneshot!


In other news, today I got my hair cut...well, that was an interesting way to start my author's note...hmm, let me try again. Okay, so this is something random I cooked up...somehow, and because we all love random Chanoey stories with no meaning, I think you will enjoy this! Plus the fact that there have been quite a few dialogue only stories at the mo, so I decided I wanted to write another one...even though there is a few bits other than dialogue, but you'll get over it! So this is my story...in other news, today I got my hair cut! There we go! Please read and review and I love you all...oh, this is set in Season 5. Toodles!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own a freaking itchy EVERYTHING! Do you guys ever get that feeling after getting your hair cut that you just have it everywhere and you cant stop itching for the rest of the day? No...only me then? Well, I am slightly insane, so it works_

* * *

_

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Chandler tensed.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Chandler cocked his head.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Chandler narrowed his eyes.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Chandler turned away from the computer.

_Tap. Ta-_

"Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"If you could keep making that noise, it would _really _help me finish this!"

"…oh, okay!"

_Tap. Tap. Ta-_

"That was sarcasm Joey!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I don't always know when you are being sarcastic and when you are being serious!"

"The tone Joey! Sense the tone!"

"Okay! Jeez, you don't have to be so mean!"

Chandler sighed, glancing over to find Joey pouting like a school girl.

"I'm not being mean, I just…I really need to finish this, like, tonight."

"Okay…sorry."

"That's alright."

Chandler took a deep breath, then turned back to his computer. He began to type.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"Joe-"

"Right! Sorry!"

Chandler waited until Joey's fingers had stilled, then started typing once more.

"Ground control to major-"

"Oh my god!" Chandler spun around in his chair, determined to chastise Joey for singing.

"What are you writing?"

Chandler paused, Joey's question taking him slightly off guard. That, and the fact that his friend had suddenly appeared next to him. He composed himself quickly. "Nothing, at the moment…it's kinda hard when all you can hear is _tap tappity freaking tap!"_

"You spit on me man!"

"You shouldn't be in my personal space!"

"Your what?"

"Alright, you see where the couch is?"

"…yeah?"

"You see where I am?"

"…yeah?"

"Well, I would say that about halfway in between those two spaces would be fine, perhaps even halfway between the halfway mark and me would be fine…but you are halfway between the halfway mark _between the halfway mark_!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about…._sit down!"_

"Some one is Mr. Cranky Pants!"

"Yeah, well if I'm Mr. Cranky Pants, then _you _are _Mrs. _Cranky Pants!"

"You mean…we're married?"

"_No!"_

"What is with you?"

"I'm Mr. Cranky Pants!"

"What are you writing?"

"_Nothing!"_

"Okay, what _were _you writing?"

Chandler let out an exasperated sigh, then glanced at Joey with tired eyes. "I'm writing…nothing, it doesn't matter."

"Come on, seriously Chan!"

"Well, now that you're serious, I obviously have to tell you!"

"Really?"

"No!"

"Wow, did you and Mon have a fight or something?"

"…I moved the phone pen."

"_What?_"

"I know, it was stupid, but _come on! _I don't even live there! How was I to know?"

"Chandler, I don't live there either, and I'm not the one currently sleeping with Monica, but I still know not to move the phone pen!"

"…I know."

"So, is that why you're Mr. Cranky Pants?"

"I'm not Mr. Cranky Pants!"

"You said you were like a minute ago!"

"Okay, fine! I'm Mr. Cranky Pants!"

"Okay!"

Chandler turned back to the computer yet again, determined to finish what he was writing while he had time.

"Is the phone pen thing why you're Mr. Cranky Pants?"

"Oh my god! You just keep on talking, don't you?"

"You're one to talk!"

"Fine! No, I'm not cranky because of the phone pen brawl! Well, maybe I am a little…"

"Brawl?"

"Well…more of a poking match."

"Okay…so why are you cranky?"

"Because you keep talking when I'm trying to write!"

"And…"

"…"

"Chandler…"

"Okay,_ fine_, I'm stuck, so I've just been writing flangenstein for the last twenty minutes!"

"Flangen…what's that?"

"_Nothing!"_

"Okay, okay! So, you have a bit of writers block…maybe now would be a good time to tell me what you are writing?"

Chandler rolled his eyes, then turned around to face Joey. "Fine!"

"Cool! So, what is it?"

"It's a story about a guy who didn't know when to shut up."

"Awesome! What's his name?"

"Take a guess…it isn't that hard."

"Chandler?"

"Were you saying my name, or taking a guess?"

"I was taking a guess."

"Oh…and _no._ His name is actually Joey."

"I knew you were going to say that…that's why I said Chandler."

"Once more…where you saying my name or using it in context to the story?"

"…I...I knew you were making a joke about me not shutting up, so I decided to jump in first!"

"Getting a bit confused there, are we?"

"Maybe…but seriously, what is the story about?"

"Oh…I don't know."

"Come on man!"

"Okay…the character's name actually _is _Joey, mainly because I was too lazy to think of anything else."

"Cool! So, I'm in it?"

Chandler sighed, shaking his head slightly. "Well…no, unless you are a 21 year old female?"

"I wouldn't be complaining if I was."

"I didn't think you would."

"You called a girl Joey?"

"Well…yeah. It can be a girl name."

"So can Chandler."

"Yes, we found that out when Frank and Alice kept the name for the girl…as if I didn't get taunted enough."

"So, what does hot Joey get up to?"

"How do you know she's hot?"

"She's 21 and female…it's pretty obvious Chandler."

"Oh, well obviously! Okay, well Joey's like this girl who has all these friends, and then suddenly one day, one of them is murdered, and she is a suspect."

"Nice! You thought of that all by yourself?"

"…of course!"

"Really?"

"Well…that TV movie we watched the other day helped me a _bit, _but that was just with tiny little aspects of the story. I came up with the majority of it, so it is not stealing the story in _any _way whatsoever! They can't sue me!"

"Yeah! So, what are you stuck on?"

"I'm trying to figure out if Joey should get with one of her friends?"

"Is there another hot blonde?"

"Another? You just assume that Joey is blonde?"

"She's 21 and female…it's pretty obvious Chandler!"

Chandler smirked, once more shaking his head.

"There isn't going to be any lesbianism in this Joe."

"Why not?"

"Because there isn't!"

"Well, I ain't going to read it then!"

"Hey, that's fine with me! But…should Joey get with one of her friends?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Okay…which one?"

"What are the choices?"

"Well, we really only have two choices…one of the guys is funny and the other one is kinda a retard…to put it nicely, of course."

"Well, it's pretty obvious…put Joey with the funny one! She likes laughing!"

"Joey, you don't even know her, or anything about the character, you can't just make stuff up!"

"Sure I can…and besides, she's 21 and fe-"

"I get it…so, you think Joey should get with the funny one?"

"Yes!"

Chandler paused, frowning slightly. He then turned back to the computer. "Okay…because that isn't going to be weird or anything."

"What? Why?"

"Well…I was lazy when it came to a couple of the other names too…and characters."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning…the funny one is named Chandler."

"So? How is that weird?"

"Well…it will be Joey and Chandler in a relationship."

"Oh…oh! Uh…"

"Yeah…maybe there shouldn't be a romantic aspect?"

"You know, I was just about to say that!"

"Totally! Okay, well that's decided!"

"Why…why would you even bother considering Joey and one of the guy characters getting together if that was the case?"

"Well…I don't really know exactly!"

"…I'm gonna go sit in my room for a while."

"Probably a good idea."

Chandler watched as Joey stood, then headed towards his bedroom. He glanced back at the computer, and a grin spread across his face as inspiration struck.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Chandler tensed.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"Joey!"


End file.
